Stop Being So Polite!

In your journey from good to great as an interviewer, there's an unlikely obstacle in the path: your own politeness. Being polite is fine, but it needs to take a backseat to something much more important: curiosity.

Here's the common pattern I see with new interviewers I coach. They are too passive (polite) while listening to the candidate. Specifically: they have great rapport/energy while asking their initial question, and then it nose-dives as soon as they start listening to the candidate's response. They sit back and are completely silent for long stretches of time.

The North Star of Interviewing

Remember your two goals when conducting an interview: (1) Establish a great connection (rapport) with the candidate; and (2) Elicit as much *relevant* information per unit of time as possible.

Being passive and letting a candidate monologue accomplishes neither of these goals. No one enjoys talking to a blank wall of silence, and not verbalizing makes "getting in there" with a quick follow-up question much more difficult and awkward.

As a result, the vast majority of interviewers just sit back and wait for the candidate to stop talking. The outcome? Long-winded answers from a nervous candidate who isn't exactly sure when to wrap up their story, and not nearly as many data points as you could have gathered. This significantly reduces your team's hiring accuracy.

If it's so obviously sub-optimal, why do interviewers do it?

I believe the main mindset reason is people are being too polite. We all as learned as children to be quiet and listen when someone else was talking. To show respect. To not be rude. And as adults, that's still true in most contexts.

Mindset 1: Curious > Polite

Here's a mindset shift on this point: Value curiosity more than being polite. You can—and should—be both, but it's far more important to be curious. Curious means engagement and connection. Candidates love that. It validates them.

It also means you're jumping in with follow-up questions, going deep on aspects of stories that are *relevant* for the Target, and moving on from areas that are not. It's also a much easier and relaxing experience for the candidate. Do you enjoy talking for 3-5 minutes to a wall?

Tactically, what should you do? Smile, nod, and vocalize when the candidate is giving their answer! If your energy dial is at 100 when you're asking a question, don't let it go down to 0 while listening. Instead, hover at a 20-30.

Mindset 2: Listening to Your Best Friend

Imagine you are listening to your best friend telling an incredibly interesting story. You'd lean forward slightly, be a bit animated, and probably verbalize. You wouldn't just sit back silently and "politely" listen. That's the same energy that will feel great to a candidate when they are sharing about themselves.

Unless a candidate can see the Target for the role and is insanely good at compressing stories...you must interrupt to have a good interview. Passive interviewers are bad interviewers. The biggest obstacle to interrupting is you—and your emotional resistance to it.

Mindset 3: Their Story, Not Politics

Perhaps the most convincing reason to verbalize and interrupt a candidate during an interview is that they typically won't even think of it as an interruption. Interruptions—at least the kind that bother most people—are when someone talks over you to disagree with you. Imagine someone with different politics shouting over you and you get the idea.

Or perhaps you're in an emotionally heated debate with someone close to you and they interrupt you. That can get to people.

By contrast, jumping in with a follow-up question ("So what was the end result of that?") with intense curiosity—to hear the rest of the candidate's story—will not emotionally feel like an interruption to them.

It will feel like you're curious to hear their story. Because you are. You can't wait. And as a result you will hear their story. (Not their monologue.)

All because you weren't too "polite."

If you have any questions about this, feel free to email me about it: [email protected]. Good luck!